i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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