dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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