Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They are going to name an STD after you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
