There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
