ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
