Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
