You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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