Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
birth control should be required to get into college
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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