I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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