Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
