He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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