he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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