I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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