She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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