i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
