when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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