I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
