Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
