Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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