What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
