Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
