he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
