I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
