then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
