There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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