It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
