Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
