I am puke
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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