this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
