I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
