I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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