She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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