if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you inspire me to be a worse person
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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