ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize