Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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