Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
