why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
