there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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