i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
