I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
