That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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