Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
