just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
