I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
