this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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