Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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