i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
