my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
