I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
