I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
