I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize