Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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