yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
