I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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