I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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