so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
