is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
