So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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