my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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