You're completely useless in the revolution.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
