Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
