Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Couch. On fire.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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