obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
