I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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