Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
